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about
Recorded streaming live for the Bang on a Can/Märzmusik Festival Marathon, March 2021
lyrics
Missing/Still
Written by Christina Wheeler
Your blowing out the candles
On your birthday cake
Your lifting the spoon to my mouth
To taste your bubbling soup
The peal of your laughter,
Circling, singing, ringing,
Round the room
My feet, next to yours,
Squished in the sand,
Cool ocean waves
Spilling over our toes.
A lick from your ice cream,
Tasting the flavor
I skipped but you chose
Tucking you in at night,
Singing you a lullaby
Coaxing you to sleep
Dozing next to you
In the passenger seat,
While we whizz
Down the highway,
Windows rolled down,
The perfume of
Eucalyptus leaves
Floating in the breeze
Sitting side by side
At the pier,
Squinting in the sun,
Eat bagels and watching
The seagulls soar by.
Dangling our legs
Over the fire escape
Sharing secrets while
Twilight’s lavender
Slips into dusk
Parties in black, steamy rooms,
Booming bass, body beats,
Heaving crowds, flying limbs,
Screaming cheers
Booty-shaking, skin-to-skin
Sweating with you.
Slow dancing,
Hot belly-rubbing with you
Sweet cocoa butter
Rising from your skin
The curve of your fingers
Twined into mine
The arc of your neck
Where I bury my face
Your lashes brushing,
Tickling my cheek
Your body enfolding
Into my arms
Pressed against me
No space
Between us
One flesh
One skin
One body
Together
One
What do you miss?
Who do you miss?
How have you stayed alive?
Who did you lose?
Who won’t come back?
How will we stay alive?
What will we find
When we’re finally free?
We can’t go back
To the world from before.
What will we find
On the other side
When there is no other side.
We’re still where we were.
The time still counted.
This time still counts.
What happened to the time?
Will we still be alive?
There’s no other side.
Only spectrums and shades.
And I’ll still miss you.
For I’ll never regain
The days, the hours,
The minutes, the moments,
When I could not touch you.
When we get
To the other side,
Will you still be there?
Will I still be here?
There is no here.
There is no there.
There’s only this.
Now.
And now.
Is all.
Always.
Still.
Christina Wheeler is a composer, vocalist, multi-instrumental electronic musician, producer, and multimedia artist, who works solo and in collaboration with other artists.
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